The 9-Step Recovering Man Program


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Men today are increasingly lost in a plethora of issues – yet whether depression, weakness, addiction, despair or existential angst – these issues fundamentally stem from the lack of iniatory processes in our culture to embark men into the journey of integrated manhood.

Throughout the last few decades, men have seen a move away from tribal, familial and societal structures that aided a man-elect in taking the necessary steps and facing the deepest fears he had on his journey to being a man, a leader, a powerful and capable force.

This has culminated in the loss of the authoritative male father figure in our lives as boys – sometimes this is literal and sometimes it is metaphorical – yet is always breeds insecurity, anger and anxiety.

Further, many men have also lost touch with the deep value set at the root of their being that informs who they are, how to act in tough situaions and how their very make-up is embedded deeply within a rich framework of culture and meaning.

This lack of understanding means men today struggle to make clear decision, have issues with being assertive and are more prone to impulsive behaviour that satisfies short-term gratification, yet causes long-term pain.

Finally, we have also lost touch with our deepest self; our connection to the universe, to the divine, to the symbolic and to the source of life – to that which gives us harmony in the pit of our souls and confidence in our hearts.

Collectively, Recovering Man terms this as the loss of the Three Fathers:

  • The Earthly Father
  • The Cultural Father
  • The Universal/Divine Father

By dusting a man down and pulling out his inner anger/pain/resentment, the 9-Step Recovering Man Programme sees us embark on deep shadow work, experience a ‘symbolic death’ and reintegrate ourselves into the world via reframing, values, goals and ultimately, the ‘Network of Fathers’.

Some may bitch about that, yet it is a fact that we as men have lost ritual process in our culture.

The age-old transformation marking the journey of boy to man has all but disappeared.

When you add in the present confusion, anger and rage about and towards masculinity, you’re left with a generation of men who’ve never been introduced to the tools to grow psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

Watch: Boy Psychology vs Man Psychology – A Solution for Modern Men

Instead, we’ve unknowingly embraced safe, comfortable environments, where every need is at the click of a button.

Whack the switch and you have light.

Click the button and you have heat.

Order online and you have pizza, beer, even sex.

Open up a new tab and watch endless amounts of powerfully addictive porn.

All of the above are ‘nice’ things to have, yet each of them erodes your soul and character, grinding away over the years, making you more sedate, more complacent and more trapped.

Further, when danger strikes, be it in the past, present or future, we are simply not prepared for the brutal realities of life.

Then what happens? Trauma.

The Lost Boy

The above is how a Lost Boy is born.

Without the ritualistic path to guide him, and without wise elders and experienced men who’ve been through the storm, he is helpless.

For many of us it can go in different ways from here:

  • We may get more resentful towards people – such as family members, an ex-girlfriend, or toward the world itself
  • We may become sheltered, harmless ‘nice guys‘, confused as to why we get walked over by women, work and other men
  • We may pretend we’re not lost inside and read all the self-help and pick-up material we can to make out we’re confident, capable men who are attractive to women, yet this persona relies on addictions to maintain itself
  • We may have simply turned to booze, drugs or porn out of desperation, yet we find ourselves slipping into darker and darker places

Whatever your situation, the above are all inherently linked.

The Solution: The 9-Step Transformational Programme

I too have been lost in the above mess.

After years of beatings growing up in a fatherless home with a drug-addled mentally ill elder brother, I turned to drugs, alcohol and porn.

Ravaged by panic attacks, experiencing infidelity due to my weakness, and even doing my best to sort my life out and getting a good job only to end up in rehab, I had to find a solution that worked.

My very life depended on this.

I was able, via a mixture of wise guidance, an unexplainable inner transformation and years and years of therapy, men’s work and deep, dynamic spiritual work to find a programme that worked.

This is a programme I’ve developed and modelled on various men, giving them a freedom from inner torment, providing them with a backbone, purpose and life meaning, as well as setting them on the path of life as men aware of their masculine soul.

The 9-Steps

  1. Clean Out Your Soul (View Sample Here)
  2. The Symbolic Death
  3. Harnessing Your Higher & Lower Power
  4. Reframing Existence
  5. Understanding Values
  6. Goals & The Goal Hierarchy
  7. Finding Mentors, Finding Masters
  8. The Network of Fathers
  9. The Life of a Recovering Man

This first of its kind programme has been specially crafted to take men from the throes of chaos, addictions and pain onto the path of the transformational journey towards powerful purpose, inner peace and masculine meaning.

Written by Recovering Man Founder Richard Joy, this 9-Step guide is not merely theoretical, it charts the methods that actually work given Richard has returned from the depths of hell after years lost in addictions, trauma and pain (aka: lost boy-ism).

This Transformational Guide is ideally worked alongside the book From Lost Boy to Recovering Man and it has been tried and tested on men recovering from all manner of issues, from compulsive behaviour, to addictions, to depression, to a general sense of purposelessness, offering them a vision of what it means to be a disciplined, dedicated and driven ‘recovering man’ on his life mission.


Greg, 34

“The 9-Step Program has been life-changing, it’s shown me new realities to myself and life I didn’t know existed!”

Laurence, 25

“After years of pain following a bereavement, doing this has really helped me find inner peace, clarity and a path forward for me as a man.”

Julian, 31

“Recovering Man has allowed me to understand the past, make sense of my life and set an unbreakable vision for my future. I highly recommend it!”

Alex, 30

“Embarking on the 9-Step Programme sparked a deep personal transformation in me. I’ve built a solid self understanding and a mature outlook and perspective I always lacked.”

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