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How to Unlock Your Masculine Core
how to be a man recoveringman.org

Are you confused about how to be a man?

Are you confused about your purpose is in life?

Do you pass off other people’s opinions as your own?

Do you get intimidated by other men?

Are you confused by how you’re supposed to act in relationships?

Do you wonder why you can’t get the type of woman you want?

Do you find you criticise others quicker than you’ll take a chance?

There was a time for me when all the answers to the above was a big fat YES.

I was at a time when I was looking externally for my ‘purpose in life’ as if getting intoxicated and staring at the stars would help me in some way.

I’d read great books, sure, but I’d do so to seem clever and to use the opinions of great writers as my own.

I did this to show off my intellectual superiority to other men in order to cover my deep insecurities within.

“For men in the west, suicide, mental health issues and addiction are rife. That tells me that this confusion around what it means to be a man is generation wide and international in scope.”

I was afraid of being judged by more popular men, more creative men, tougher men and more athletic men – ine essence, people who had more of an idea of how to be a man than me and acted it out.

In relationships, I’d become too clingy, fearing a woman would see my insecurities and leave me.

I’d wonder why I couldn’t get a woman to stick around, even though I couldn’t lay down any boundaries and would act, in essence, like a gay friend rather than an independent man at peace with his journey.

From the sidelines, I’d criticize athleticism, make snarky remarks at musicians and hide behind a mask of ‘the intellectual’ feigning I was somehow above other men when really I was undeveloped, afraid and clueless about how to act as a man and what it even meant.

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For men in the west, suicide, mental health issues and addiction are rife. That tells me that this confusion around how to be a man is generation wide and international in scope.

We exist in a culture of high-divorce rates with a lack of solid male role models.

In fact, nowadays you’re more likely to hear a male role model talk about how he’s a feminist than lay out any guidelines for growth for young men.

Something is happening in our society.

It seems that masculinity has become a byword for oppression, as something undesirable and violent, as something laughable and from a bygone time.

Yet my experience in finding purpose in life, freeing myself from addiction and engaging in healthy relationships with male friends and females I want to be with sexually, has proved to me that a masculine essence is the solution.

My experience, not relentless thinking, has shown me that masculinity goes way beyond some ‘cultural construct’ as we are so told today and the answers of how to be a man are embodied deeply within action, effort and inner awakening.

Embodying your inner power as a man is more than a way of being, it is an authentic energy that you can chime into right now that empowers and enlivens your soul.

It is also a vital part of the social structure we inhabit, giving purpose and direction, stability and an understanding of the world beyond the intellect.

It has physical, mental and even divine properties that revolutionize the way you see the feminine essence as you begin to find romance a lot more natural and easy.

Read: Man Psychology VS Boy Psychology – A Solution for Modern Men

In fact, the opportunity you have right now at this very point in time is to build the notion of masculinity away from the repressed man of the past.

It is in you we can move away from the feminised man of the present, also.

It is you that embodies the active, aware, strong, spiritual man prepared to lead in this generation forward by example, not words.

Below are 4 Steps to get in touch with your masculine core and begin sourcing some clarity on how to be a man:

 

HOW TO BE A MAN: 5 STEPS

1. Acknowledge where you’re weak and need to grow

One of the major issues I had in life was the inability to face the truth about myself. 

I couldn’t accept I was weak, I couldn’t accept, that depsite brutal and unfair things happening to me, I had to take responsibility. 

You can check out my story below, which outlines how I went from trauma, despair and addictions to meaning, discipline and purpose, outlining the key lessons I was taught on how to be a man: 

The harsh truth is that in the final analysis the person who can help you more than anyone else is yourself, so why lie to yourself?

It may protect your ego, it may make you feel less sensitive for a moment and it may shield your pride, but in the long run it will increase your ego which blocks genuine growth, make your all the more sensitive and too prideful to see what you must do to evolve. 

Now, this isn’t always easy, some people are very fragile after years and years and years of being sheltered, so whether you need to be tough or gentle on yourself is up to you, the main thing is that you’re brutally honest about the state you’re in. 

Until you do this, you simply cannot progress, so half-ass it if you want, but you will stay in the state of the lost boy, unable to grow, unable to form long-term bonds, unable to lead. 

2. Do rather than think or say

Understand your masculine power is in ACTION not in thought.

If I had never actually gone out of my comfort zone and tried to do something new, I would have never learned a thing.

Growth is uncomfortable. Deal with it.

We either learn the quick way now, or wallow in a lifetime of despair stemming from why we can’t get the job, girl or life of our dreams.

The whole confusion around how to be a man in the first place stems from too much sitting around in lecture halls pontificating on and ‘deconstructing’ what being a man means.

Counter that now.

Get off your ass and experience the world for yourself.

Believe me. If you are behaving outside of your masculine core the world will tell you so.

You will not be advancing in your career.

You will not be in good shape.

Women will not be responding to you.

That we get negative effects from being outside our masculine core is a good thing.

When we are not getting the results we desire, we know we are doing something wrong and have been gifted barometers for how to act in the future.

You are a man and you are built to grow and learn how to lead.

These lessons are invaluable. You will not learn them anywhere else.

It is about learning grit, how to graft and how to bear your cross with guts.

Take action in all areas of your life; career, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally and see how you feel after actually doing things rather than contemplating the value of doing them.

Remember: feeling inferior is okay. Let that feeling grow. It humbles you. And when you are humble, you can learn.

The only requirement is that you are willing to grow in action. The rest will take care of itself.

 

3. Establish Your Purpose and Create Goals

A key part of locking in your masculine core is chasing a goal full-heartedly with unshakeable focus.

It doesn’t matter what your purpose is: to teach, to run, to build a career, to build a family, to develop your spirit – but you must apply it in the form of goals.

Goal setting is vital in the overcoming of a meaningless existence.

Goal setting is that which gives meaning to your actions.

The goal provides a focal point for living.

Goal Setting: An Action Plan for the Most Important Element of Personal Development

Do not get bogged down in the wishy-washy gutless philosophical meaning of your goals.

Instead, take a pen and a pad, write down what you’re about and write down some clear, actionable goals that carry vision.

Here’s an outline:

PURPOSE: To grow spiritually, mentally and physically as a man.

GOALS:

  • Define my spiritual beliefs
  • Commit to morning meditation every day
  • Review my day before bed, thinking how I can improve as a person
  • Deal with any issues from my past in whatever way I can
  • Read for 30 minutes a day
  • Go to the gym 4x per week
  • Run 10 miles in 6 months time

Take action and see what happens.

 

4. Read, Read and Read Material that Directs You

Fuck celebrity culture. Fuck being a victim.

Read material from men you admire who have developed a strength you would like to feel and embody.

There is so much amazing writing out there on how a man can find his inner masculine calling, from Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning to Emerson’s Self-Reliance, to Deida’s Way of the Superior Man.

5 Absolutely Vital Books for Men on a Mission in Life

What you surround yourself with defines you. So opt for the best.

If you’re surrounded by men who aren’t willing to take action and improve their lives, then leave them to their business and take action yourself.

Create the environment you desire by learning from the greats.

 

5. Take the Best of the Past and Present

Re-engaging your masculinity is an act of chiming in with the energy of your forefathers.

This is an act as old as time and imperative to the maintenance of a meaningful culture.

Yet every generation should aim to improve the culture they are gifted with, and that is your duty today.

You must take the good from your father’s generation and embody it so you may pass it on once more to the next generation in a better state.

Finding your masculine core is not about bullying other men and certainly not bullying women – it is about embodying a calm, secure core of peace and confidence in your path.

It is about taking the torch and passing it on.

With this in mind, we must take the strength, bravery and discipline of our forefathers and combine it with the ability to listen to the feminine essence of the present day.

However, as has happened to me and many other men of this generation, we must not let the feminine essence take us over.

Similarly, we must not let ourselves become too hammered down with the oppressive society of old.

All we know is now and it is down to you to awaken the culture of hard work, growth and discipline your forefathers laid down while taking into account the spiritual lessons and the presence of the feminine to foster in yourself the realisation of the modern man.

Read more: 5 Reasons Why You Need to Quit Porn Today

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