5 Steps to Quit Porn

Every man with a solid pornography habit reaches a stage when the dream of free-to-access hard-core porn peaks, wanes, and then begins to sharply descend into a nightmare.

Some men can just stop without bother, perhaps these guys weren’t watching porn on a weekly or daily basis, but the reality is that for many guys porn is highly addictive.

In fact, heavy use of pornography functions in a very similar way to cocaine.

Read: 5 Reasons Why You NEED to Quit Porn

Given that Western culture is so sexually saturated nowadays, pornography acts as the last station in a world of temptation, the place where we finally get that release, where the stress ends.

Yet, as men are finding out, this is an illusion.

A Culture of Porn

Pop videos circulate at the gym, reducing music to metronome thuds to which pop-stars dance around all but naked in choreographies that simulate sex.

Television is packed full of beautiful women in dramas, and sex is used as the punchline to most comedy shows and stand-up routines.

Sex. Is. Everywhere.

It’s my belief that this is because sex holds an element of the taboo, and as so much of our culture needs to be risqué given we’ve lost our love of the real world, real art, real music and real spirituality, cultural output has become a competition in who can be more sexually brazen in order to get your attention.

This has become the case to such an extent that we expect softcore porn in music videos now – popstars parade this sort of crap like a badge of honour and men have grown up with this as the norm. 

Music is especially replete with highly sexually lyrics and imagery, but would you expect softcore porn at a book reading, or an orchestral performance?

We can see how far popular music has fallen when we look at it this way.

Lost Modern Men

All of this sexual teasing creates deep desire in a man who is unenlightened, lost and without guidance.

Pornography becomes the place to let out the pent-up energy.

More so, it also becomes the place to relieve the stress of work, single life, or a relationship. 

It becomes the place to let out the anger of rejection from a world that throws sex and status in your face. 

The only problem is that porn is a black hole.

It may begin as an intoxicating stress reliever, but it soon begins to drive out the passion in other areas of your life, and take you deeper into it’s grip.

Escalation

Internet porn is unbelievably diverse, there is so much to watch in so many genres that it is very, very easy to ‘escalate’.

Escalation is the term used for watching ever-harder material in your porn sessions as you look for the more risqué scene that will get you the same feeling as the original high you had when porn was a new phenomenon to you.

This leads men to view things they were not sexually attracted to when they started viewing porn.

I recently spoke to pornography recovery coach, Coach Noah Church on his jouney into the depths of addiction to porn and his route out (see below): 

There are many tales on porn forums of heterosexual men who began watching straight male-female one-on-one sex, and ended up watching all manner of extreme genres, mass orgies, bi-sexual, transgender and even gay porn.

Put simply, we are just not wired to cope with the hyper-stimulation modern tube-site pornography offers.

Erectile Dysfunction and Performance

Gary Wilson, a scientist and founder of the website Your Brain On Porn, has found that the average guy sees as many naked women in one porn watching session as his ancestors did in their whole lifetime!

That is an insane finding.

The most famous ramification of this has been the dreaded porn-induced erectile dysfunction, more commonly known as ‘PIED’.

Increasingly, young men are finding they cannot get, or stay, erect when in the presence of a real naked woman.

Their minds have been so hijacked by the huge levels of dopamine released in porn watching sessions that one naked woman is nowhere near enough to get them turned on.

Why Men Need to Quit Porn

We now begin to see a picture forming of why so many guys are turning their backs on porn and trying to quit.

Below are some common reasons:

  • It is part of a shallow culture which cheapens sex
  • It makes other activities and passionless enjoyable
  • You can easily escalate
  • You can easily get sexual performance issues
  • You are losing your sense of self and self respect

Despite the culture we live in not helping, a man can never blame externals for his position in life.

Therefore, even though the odds are stacked against you, that is only all the more opportunity to transcend your current abilities and master yourself by not succumbing to the whims of your sexual desires and a culture which uses you.

By quitting porn, you learn first-hand the skills you must attain.

You make errors that bring you ever closer to the fires of craving, you make moves into overconfidence and the false pride of the ego which leaves you stunned when you relapse.

All of this is training.

If you continue the journey of quitting porn, you begin to master your very ego, as well as the fires of anxiety, stress and lust.

This is the road to the balanced man who cannot be bullied by the outside world.

Quitting Porn is NOT Easy

The problem men are finding once they realize porn is a huge net negative, rather than positive, is that you cannot just stop.

Porn has become a massive coping mechanism for men around the world and it functions exactly as a drug does.

This is why I have written this piece.

I have personally quit several addictions, porn being one.

The 5 steps I outline work.

The only requirement from you is that you must really be prepared to quit porn, look at yourself deeply and be willing to show honesty and grit.

 

1: Accept You Cannot Beat the Cravings

Recovering man how to quit porn

If you are reading this piece you will know that you cannot just stop watching porn.

The behavior is deeply wired into your neural programming with the ecstasy of orgasm.

Therefore, you need to accept you cannot face this alone.

Accepting you need help with this is the admission you are human. Once this is established you are free to transcend your current abilities – these are limited to your willpower and grit.

At this point, you need to write a letter to yourself.

In said letter you need to explain why you’re quitting porn, what benefits that offers and who you are going to become without it in your life.

This letter will come in handy.

 

2: Become Accountable

The next stage is powering up your recovery with the assistance of forces greater than you can muster.

This can be in the form of therapy, friends, ‘No-fap’ groups, support groups and so forth.

The most vital thing is that you’re completely honest with someone about your porn use and problem.

People will not be nearly as judgemental as you may think.

Even more so, the power of being honest decays pain and struggling. In speaking to others you take the power from your obsessive porn use.

A key part of becoming accountable is in handing over the reigns.

If so possible, you should block adult material at a router level, handing over your access credentials and email account to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist, etc.

Further, a big help in quitting pornography can be Covenant Eyes.

Covenant Eyes monitors all your internet use, and while it doesn’t actively block porn, it does send a report to a person of your choosing if you access adult material on any of your devices.

It’s a VERY helpful tool and a great way to commit to accountability.

 

3: Explore Life Stressors

how to quit fapping nopmo pied nofap

Understanding what makes you so prone to needing pornography in your life means you can take immediate action in lessening those stressors.

Whether it is stress from work or a relationship, trauma issues from childhood, an anxiety disorder or a broader sex addiction, you must locate and understand your inner workings.

This is also a deeply powerful exercise in self-growth.

To conquer any habit or addiction, transcending your previous limits is essential.

You can only do this if you know the things you must change and the demands you must meet.

Say you have a pathological fear of abandonment developed in childhood experiences, there is no way you can meaningfully quit porn and grow as a man unless you deal with this issue at source.

You must learn to self-reflect on your experiences and emotional states, and become brave enough to share these experiences with others.

Very often, when men begin dealing with internal issues they find cravings reduce, and long traps emotions arise.

Allow this process to happen. Something more powerful than you is happening.

 

4: Create a Meticulous Timetable

As well as tackling the emotional issues laid out above, you must also begin to deeply familiarise yourself with your physical existence.

Addictive porn use stems from the lost time in the day.

When you have nothing to hold you, something else will.

Therefore, when you are attempting to quit pornography you need to carefully plan your day so there is no lost time.

If there are gaps between work/study time in the day, you need to fill them.

There are a million great things you can do: start running, kick-box, learn an instrument, go for walks, go to concerts, meet friends, play sport, watch sport, go to a gallery, learn to dance, learn French and so on.

Again, these activities are not just keeping you free from your laptop and porn, but they are also growing you as a person.

This is what all recovery is about: growing into a better man in the effort to stay clear of time you could be acting out in addiction.

 

5: Have a Life Vision  

coach noah church on quitting addiction

In a way, the very act of quitting porn is laying out a life vision for yourself already.

You have seen a behavior that brings you pain and you have been through an intellectual process defining abstinence of the better option for you.

You know that you can be a better man without porn, but what else do you want to achieve?

If you are making strides towards a much stronger version of yourself with quitting porn, why stop there?

Once you have begun this journey the potential is limitless.

It’s ample opportunity to take yourself to the next level and take a pen and paper and write down 10 things you want to achieve in a year, followed by your vision and purpose on this earth as a man.

Such a vision orients you to becoming a constantly improving version of you.

In time, quitting porn becomes the catalyst for immense growth way beyond what it originally was.

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